Ingenious
I'm feeling a little... it's like the... something like a... like that thing they call la.... aiya, you know de lah...
Well, it's Complicated lah. I'm Alone, Losing Grip of my Innocence and Nobody's Home. Who Knows? Maybe it'll be My Happy Ending if a Girlfriend can Take me away Tomorrow.
But I'm Nobody's fool; that is Anything but ordinary, so the false hope would probably just Fall to pieces.
I'm a genius.
Videos
I am so angry at my duties planned that I'm emotionless because I'm helpless.
I had duties this month on the 18th, 23rd, 25th, 30th and they just put me for another on the 3rd next month.
Zzz.
Got some nice videos to share, in case I start harping on how bad I'm feeling now hurhur.
Hilarious Robin Williams, the Lennon joke came out of nowhere man.
Carrie Underwood does her rendition of George Michael's Praying for Time; blondes are hawt~
Damn funny(actually, only the beginning) if you've watched the MTV before.
Another blonde powerhouse, love this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svxP2LjBg_4
If only I could break like this...
Would've been better without all that farkin' irritating girls.
The one who made repetitious songs non-irritating.
Girls who can sing are chio. Girls who can sing and play the guitar are... woah.
Bad times tide over. Hopefully~
The 4 Bitten Kingdom
Am facing the dilemma of whether to go TW with friends or backpack alone.
And the reason for the dilemma... I don't think anyone else except the ones I've talked to would've expected it.
Yesterday he went for movie with Kai Quan(KQ), Wei Liang(WL) and his wife at Jurong East. As KQ was going to catch Mayday's concert he rented a car and thus they had the liberty of cruising around aimlessly before the movie starts.
WL very high.
Obviously, when they get together with a car in hand nothing intelligent would come out of it. So they had lunch (quite literally) on the car and at a multi-storey carpark no less.
The bystanders washing their car must be freaked out by lunatics
They did what most childish people would do when they have a car, of course.
Like aiming to throw the box into the paper bag,
missed
getting it on in the car,
looking hideous,
and trying to throw rubbish by getting the driver to reverse until the bin is within arm's reach.
Afterwards they drove around aimlessly around Western S'pore while WL's wife munches on.
Initial-D style, where D stands for Dumb
They even went back to Sungei Gedong to smell the chicken farm!
To get a better understanding of what they've been doing, please watch this:
The pinnacle of human evolution.
===================================
After almost 2 hours of wasting petrol they went back on time to catch The Forbidden Kingdom.
Honestly he doesn't really expect anything from the movie, with the hype with Jackie Chan and Jet Li plus production from Hollywood he was sure the movie would be crappy.
And he was right.
Besides the fighting scenes of Hitmo-Li and Hitmo-Chan(think Pokemon)*, the whole movie is about as empty as Paris Hilton's skull. The direct translations of intelligent and insightful Chinese sayings to English reduced 5000 years of wisdom to 2 hours of comedic dialogue; I guess I can't blame the Americans since that's what they're only good at - destruction - but what was Jackie Chan thinking?
Thankfully, one woman made that $9.50 worthwhile. She is none other than the lovely Sparrow(小燕子; sounds fantastic in Mandarin, awfully plain in English), Liu Yifei.
She is also the reason why he is writing this post as the 3rd party ahahahahaz.
She really totally blew his mind(and no where else) with her impeccable beauty. Interestingly, he had commented a week ago to WL that girls playing the pipa damn chio; although Liu Yifei can't play it, the sight of her pretending to play it already damn chio.
After much deliberation, he has come to a decision:
Liu Yifei is more chio than Hebe.
Omg. He never once thought that this day will come.
*WL's rare joke that is funny.
Chance @ revenge
I was just wondering, what is it that reminds friends of me.
I have a feeling it probably would be something comical.
For my ego, that isn't very satisfying. Why can't they be reminded of me when they see, say, Brad Pitt? Or Jay Chou? Or even Jang Hyuk?
I mean, I'm not that far in terms of standard from them, right?
PS: Dun say I never give you all lobang to take revenge and suan me ar. Use the tagbox and see how mean you can get.
CPL TAN WEI YUAN
Do you know what was on my company's Routine Order?
The undermentioned personnel will be promoted to the next higher rank effective from May 1st:
*insert random name*
*insert random name*
LCP TAN WEI YUAN
*insert random name*
I could swear the feeling of hearing that and knowing you're one rank closer to ORD-ing is... orgasmic.
Take me away
Saturday I'm mahjong-ing and scolding vulgarities away with them, the next day I'm watching them strumming away at various music stores.
Damn contrasting lah.
We all, one way or another, have wished that someone can just come and take us away. Away from the bustling city, the hypocrisy, the lies, the deceit, the pain and all the things that make us human, where 'being human' really is the euphemism for weakness and vulnerable.
Come to think of it it's kinda nice eh? To be off to a place away from home where there's only the 2 of them, not having to worry about the rice prices or oil price hikes. Sure you aren't getting your GST rebates but you're saving on GST altogether already right?
Of course, if we delve deep enough into the problems of a relationship where there's practically nothing else but each other it's gonna be hellish(she's gonna nag and nag and you don't have your TV to drown that!)(he's out hunting and she can't go shopping!); but let's not do that and spoil this little fantasy I'm entertaining.
And I don't think it's only for the girls who dream of their Prince Charming, I think guys have their own fantasies of heroine in a shiny tiara(weird image), but the Ego gets in the way and these become mere fleeting thoughts(occasionally the hormones sets in and the heroine gets replaced by some AV starlet; in drug-taking males it's the heroin that takes the place). You can't blame the Ego(or the hormones) though; honestly no guy fancies being the male equivalent of damsel-in-distress, and I don't think females fancies a guy who needs rescuing.
Oh someone come and take me away please, I feel like I am alone all by myself and I need to get around this~
PS: One blog add. and song name can generate a random crappy post like this. I am so randomly crappy.
Superstar
Was just watching some random videos from 超级星光大道 3 which has a few of S'pore's contestants.
Notable ones are Yvonne 蔡嘉航, fr Campus Superstar 1, I vaguely remember her more memorable performance was a song from 同恩.
Normal standard.
潘嗣敬 aka Sugie. The guy is hilarious; I think S'poreans are too egotistical to accept an Indonesian who speaks better mandarin than themselves,
Love the surprise in the middle.
and 黃靖伦, who wasn't in any major local competition before. Smart choice eh.
GODLIKE.
I think the videos speak for themselves in terms of standard, with 黃靖伦 being the best of the lot. As of now, both Sugie and Yvonne are OUT so there's only 黃靖伦 left. So nice ar, can go overseas to sing and meet all the stars there.
I also want lei.
Clorets
This is so unfair lor.
How come lim peh eat the new Clorets don't have chio OL(office lady) swing her hair at me, chio waitress pour water on herself sexily and chio strangers to do pole dance for me?
Only got OL(old lady) swing her umbrella at me, male waiter pour hot water on me and strangers slamming me into the pole sia.
Back!
Wa seh 4 days without update. Got miss me bo? Today give your long long one ar, don't fret.
First things first, THE ANSWER TO THE JOKES! I tell you ar, the answer to the first question,
Which superhero always saves the day with 3 imaginary lines beside his face, like this: -_-|||?
is so damn lame that even IRONMAN would frown at it.
Whom happens to be the answer too.
As for the 2nd question, yup, many of you came REAL close to the answer. Especially the bungling bonehead of a yokel-like dunce who mentioned my 'favourite' teacher.
Her birthday surprise in the form of Mario whose head size rivals that of someONE.
The answer is of course, my wife.
=====================================
You might think that I must be really lacking of a social life to think of these. You are right! So smart sei(articulated using Liting's sarcastic voice for max. effect). However, I did went out after killing the Hell Wyrm in FFXII lor.
But not after crying in joy after expending all TWENTY-FIVE bars of its bloody health.
Below health bar on top left, each dot represents one life.
Went for basketball with my JC brudders Hongyi and Kok Sin, and met with long-time-no-see Xianyao, JK and Kenny Chua. I definitely prefer playing bball with them over Wei Liang's gang not because they're not as good, but because they don't play like their life depended on that ball going into the net.
My best game since 1876.
Plus they play at normal timings; only siao ginnas play early in the morning lor.
There's loads of laughter throughout the games with ample serious playing and I don't get stressed out by over-zealous players who look like they'll lock me in Cyndi's room if I didn't score.
After which Xianyao was good enough to drive us over to Taman Jurong for stingray!
He doesn't honk at inconsiderate jay-walkers. I know I wouldn't too; I'll just wind down the window and f*ck them.
Although I thought the food wasn't worth the money, the meal redeemed itself for that good' ole feeling of being with friends sweating it out with you over that plate of sambal and kangkong.
That's all folks! I hope joke #01 was farnie. If it isn't, feel free to pour paint at my door.
PS: I prefer sky blue; just don't pour green.
-_-|||
"If you thought Bono had enough money to fix Africa and whatever that's going wrong in the world, you're wrong. He only has half of it."
-Rob Schneider, American Idol: The idols gives back
Ok fine I screwed up my Mas Selamat joke. But I SWEAR ON THE HUGE HEAD OF THE ONE WHO GOT THE POPIAH TREAT that this one confirm-guarantee-bo2-tio1-tao2-ho3-le4 plus chop original.
Here goes,
Which superhero always saves the day with 3 imaginary lines beside his face, like this: -_-|||?
And since I'm being a inquisitive young man, I might as well ask another question:
Can you guess who is this in the picture?
Hint: She is still damn chio with Mario's head on.
No prizes, obviously, because I don't want anyone to answer correctly(I believe there are others out there bo-liao enough to be able to answer moi made-in-S'pore joke) and cause me to be unable to give you the answer in funny pictorial form and hence, one less chance to be funny.
PS: If you're too dense to understand that; it means DON'T answer the first question lah na bei.
FFXII
"I, Judge Magister, comdemns you to oblivion!!!!"
-Reddas
OMG hero's demise I also want lei. Anyway, I decided I probably am near the finishing line for FFXII and succumbed to the Sin that is the WALKTHROUH(not that I didn't use it along the way, but only used it minimally so as to not kill the satisfaction). And I am right!
Give me one hour and I can complete the game, since I'm like, 30 levels above the final boss. But that's no fun right?
As of today, I am exactly 70 hours away from my cap of 200 hours to hunt one mark, 3 elite marks, and4 sidequests.
And the last sidequest, the last esper, Omega Mark XII, is LEVEL 99.
Take that
Bit by bit I'm reclaiming the hypocrisy and letting that anger out.
It isn't going to be big nor am I going to bestupid and get all rowdy; but I'm not taking shit as they come now, I'm making sure I at least throw part of it back to where it came from.
Virginia
If this blog stays with everything intact until Uni, especially the self-eroding ones like this, I'm about 200% sure I'll scare off every single girl(like it did for the past few years) and I'll remain single for the next 20 years.
Then I'll really need to use choice no. 2 liao. Anyone got cheap lobang bo?
On the topic of virgins, since a friend randomly mentioned it on her blog.
Very difficult to find meh? All you need is to find someone reasonably ugly what. And from what I see on the streets everyday, that isn't very difficult lor. Or find some nerdy-looking guy whom you'll easily mistake as something from the museum.
Example would be someone like this:
Ai seh. So virginal and nerdy-looking right?
Ok honestly though, maybe it is difficult lah. Especially since porno is so easily accessible on the web, most guys will love to get a feel themselves. Which probably means that they can either
Of course I'm not saying all guys do that; in fact, I have the faith in me that most guys actually are as angelic as Lyoe Lee is. But when a guy gets himself a girlfriend, the temptation to get all touchy would be high, and when you get touchy there's a high chance the blood suddenly becomes heavier and sinks. Then the brain loses control.
And it's worse if the guy was single for a freaking long time for like say, 20 years? Surely the temptation would be humongous right?
Or someone who always stays home with his computer doing god-knows-what? Or someone who spents most of time ranting on the virtual world like he doesn't have a life outside?! All these people face stronger temptations than normal guys to want to do it because of the sheer amount of time they've spent without it!
So my advice to all the girls: avoid guys who've been single for damn long, stays home most of the time, keeps a blog/online-diary(and updates regularly) and doesn't have much of a social life. If that isn't clear enough, a tell-tale sign would be him continuously asserting that a certain chio celebrity is his wife.
Can you spot anyone around you that is like that? UNCOVER THE HORNY BASTARDS ON THE TAGBOX TO WARN EVERYONE!
PS: This is farkin' funny!!
Update
Wa lan. Damn stupid lah.
Ask wrong question not enough, I had to forget that I have friends who spent their time surfing the web when they're working. Hurhur.
Anyway the weekend's been pretty fine; finally a bit of socialising instead of the couch-hugging routine.
Friday night had dinner with my section mates at Manhattan @ Plaza Singapura.
My 2 sergeants
The dinner's actually a treat by my two sergeants who got their bonuses recently and were generous enough to give us the treat.
The other lucky 2 to get the treat
First time eating there and I'll have to admit the food is almost the same as Fish & Co.'s, except that they didn't serve my order in less than 5 minutes.
Seafood platter... with rice?
The only difference with Fish & Co. was that they've got this 'special performance' where the waiter melts the cheese on the prawns with their 'blowtorch' at your table if you order their seafood platter. Not fun however, when the waiter lao-chiu and chars the fries and rice around the prawns instead.
Burn baby burn
Btw their tiramisu sucked big time, even though I hadn't eat a lot of other places' tiramisu but I can pretty much confirm Manhattan's sucks. My ordering-bad-food-spree at work eh.
Knn
======================================
Saturday went out to guest-star for Sophie's birthday surprise(see I give her so much face) at Settlers' Cafe.
The leading ladies
The place fell rather far from my expectations; it felt homely, but it had that bad, mouldy smell of a long-time abandoned home. The surprise for Sophie wasn't exactly big - I didn't think it was one in the first place - and I thought the only surprise was Hongyi's cheesecake that was too-cheesy-but-still-not-bad.
27,978 million calories contained within...
Food was sub-standard, a bit on the expensive side if you ask me, but games was the focus and it turned out pretty fun although we were a little big on group size(14 people around one small table).
Commando's muscle bigger than the table
Afterwards was supper at Swensen's which pissed me off.
Smiling at my bad luck
Remember my incredulous knack for ordering bad food whenever I tried something new? Well I stuck to something familiar this time - baked rice - and freaking hell the baked rice sucked.
Next time I'll just eat ice-cream.
Popiah
Question of the Day:
Why is one-third of Mas Selamat a woman?
First to get the answer wins *drumroll* ONE-YEAR FREE SUPPLY OF POPIAH WOOT.
Guess
I've many feelings and thoughts in me and revealing would mean potentially isolating myself, since it involves someone who I feel will be sided by everyone else if anything happens.
And it's come to a point where I'm actually afraid of myself. The more you know someone, the more you realise he's becoming, or already is, someone you wouldn't want to be associated with if you had knew sooner; it's like whatever he's done you'll go, 'Chey, so hypocritical'. And yet you act like everything is as per normal.
Then you become the hypocritical one.
You think twice and suddenly you aren't that sure anymore. With this much maybes, it's best letting things remain status quo. I guess.
BAAAAD karma
Damn sway can? Seriously unlucky lei. I think I'm experiencing retribution for all the bad karma I've accumulated lor.
And going by my memory of bad deeds done, this bad-luck spree should go on for about, er, 27 years. And I've boldly predict myself to live no more than 30.
Me: 安娣, 鸡肉 laksa 粗米粉不要 laksa 叶， 加蛋 hor。
Auntie: 这边吃还是 takeaway?
Me: Takeaway 的, 分开放 hor。
Auntie: (proceeds to cook the noodles)你要面的hor?
Me: 安娣, 我要粗米粉的嘞。
Auntie: Or orh. Soli soli. *proceeds to take a bowl to contain the 粗米粉*
Me: (seeing no one else ordering as well, I presume that bowl was for me)Eh, 安娣， 我要带走的嘞。
Auntie: Oh ok ok... Er, 你要分开放还是。。。
Me: 分开放。
Auntie: Orh ok ok.*packs the noodles, and dumps one spoon full of laksa 叶 into the laksa gravy before I had time to stop her*.
===================================
Feeling a bit pek cek, I decided to buy honey milk tea to feel a bit happier. Apparently, I have grossly underestimated the amount of bad karma I've pooled.
Me: 我要 honey milk tea不要珍珠。
Auntie: 好。*then proceeds to be busy but with what I can't see*
Auntie: (after about 30 seconds, turns to look at me with bewildered look)你叫什么ar?
Me: (Sudden urge to reply, "我叫韦元") Honey milk tea不要珍珠。
Auntie: 好。*then proceeds to be busy but with what I can't see*
Auntie: (after about a minute, passes me a packet of "honey" milk tea with pearls) $1.50 谢谢。
Me: (gives back the bewildered look, then decides I've had enough and pays with $5)
Auntie: (Takes the money, keeps it, proceeds to serve the other customer)
Me: (Stares with killer intent)小姐， 你还没找钱给我嘞。
Auntie: (gives the bewildered look again) OH, soli soli...
Me: (stares with genocidal thoughts in mind)小姐， 下次注意一点好吗？ 我本来叫的是不要珍珠的hor.*squeezes a smile from the vestiges of whatever's left of my civility*
===================================
After all that crap. I went home only to realise:
And to top it all off, it had to be the fruit I dislike the most.
Obviously, this post was too late for redemption.
