sigh
五月的天 刚诞生的夏天
我们之间 才完成的爱恋
紧握的手里面 有好多明天
五月的天 梦开始要鲜豔
前方蜿蜒 一长串的心愿
我们一天一天 慢慢实现
I just received letters from both NTU and NUS.
Of course I am happy.
But the feeling that I do not deserve that place in NTU is nibbling at my ass right now. I don't like this feeling-that I accomplished something not with my abilities but more of luck. Just like back then in Primary 6, when I was in my class's debate team.
I don't remember what I said, what we debated on or even who was in my team, but i remembered very clearly, that sense of unhappiness as I held that runners-up trophy in my hands. I remembered how little i had contributed to the team and how I sucked at speaking in front of an audience which probably caused the team the champion place.
Everything about the trophy- the praises from teachers, parents, even friends-felt like they are not for me. I was unhappy, but at that time there was nothing I can do, except to accept the trophy and never to talk of it proudly.
Until now, it is still there, reminding me not of a glorious triumph in the competition but a credit that I did not deserve to have.
Now, the same thing has happened again.
But this time it's different. I have a chance to make it right.
2 years to make sure I deserve that seat in NTU.
2 years to convince myself I am not that incompetent at all.
I think I can do that.
I believe I can.
Picnic~
Late update but still, better late then never.
Last Saturday we had 2/4 picnic at West Coast. Quite a failure in terms of turn-out and weather conditions, but still rather interesting.
We had food that looks absolutely tantalizing...
and the ones that are less-pleasant to the eyes(but still very nice)
Most of the food are made by Sin Kuan, with Kok Mun helping outing and me doing minimal contributions.
Woot. Potential couple.(both of them are so going to kill me for saying that)
We went there and started playing Cluedo, Ultimate Challege version, and the freaking rain came. No, not the Korean one, the watery-downpour-kinda rain. I had a traumatising walk in the rain back to MacDonald's with the bestly Wei Liang, and there was where we decided to settle down.
I got bored of the game cuz it was simply too time-consuming and what's worse was I was basically on the losing end so it was extra boring. So I took pictures instead.
The two ladies.
One lungs-like-shit, one-backbone-like-shit, one shit.
After which, guys went for pool. That's all about it.
PS: They got siblings' face in this pic, wouldn't you agree?(Becuz I'm a nice guy I shalln't say exactly whom did I insulted by saying that)
PSS: Sin kuan's got a shoe-designing shop at a bazaar at harbourfront this coming sat. I never praised her before but she's definitely got a head for designing.
Lost. Utterly defeated.
THIS IS IT. I am officially declaring Tony Tan and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as my enemies. If it wasn't for these 2 $%#!&* I wouldn't have screwed up my freaking written test for NTU Communication Studies interview!
Why, you may ask. let me explain. If freaking Tony Tan didn't stand down as Deputy Prime Minister and let Wong Kan Seng and S. Jayakumar take over, I would've gotten Question one correct!
And Mahmoud Ahmadinejad(this is seriously the most difficult name I've ever typed) even worse! WHY ISN'T HE PRESIDENT OF IRAQ? If he were president of Iraq instead of Iran I would've gotten question 5 correct as well. KNNBCCB.
Ok. Jokes aside, the interview was... disastrous. And if it did any good, it basically brought me down to earth. Hard.
As a double math student, I knew exactly what I was going into; stiff competition from Arts students who mostly are better than me linguistically. But I was totally owned. The written test only tested me on current affairs and analytical skills, and I was absolutely demoralized by the current affairs part. I still can't forgive myself for not knowing who's the Deputy Prime Ministers. Damn I ought to be shot.
And if that wasn't enough, whatever little confidence I mustered up for the interview later on shattered into pieces during the introduction of the other 5 interviewees. They were really fluent with their introduction, and sounded really like they want to get in. Me, on the other hand, gave a lame-sounding excuse for enrolling in the course, and I practically bit on my own tongue trying to speak standard English.
As a final blow, towards the end, all of them either had portfolios thicker than a dictionary or recommendations letters. Even that smile on my face took extra effort to maintain.
I am demoralized, I couldn't even sleep properly now(as in, relative to my usually sparse sleeping time); whatever confidence and self-belief I had are gone. What didn't help was my parents thought I would've breezed through the interview, and I basically have no one to talk to.
Sigh. I'm so going to need time to recover.
WHACK IT
I turned on the TV and thought Ugly Betty changed airtime to 7.30. What happened to the usual standards of beauty pageants??
You know what? After 4 years of sadness, lack of sleep, over-worrying and lack of confidence, I've learnt that the easiest way out of your worries are to simply heck care, forget about whatever possible consequences and JUST WHACK IT. Like how I 'whacked' JJC after a damn long deliberation of whether to go poly or jc, or like how I 'whacked' double math and double science blindly when I didn't know what to study.
I WILL GO TO NTU TOMORROW(provided I am given clearance by superiors), MIND BLANK , AND JUST WHACK.
Simple-mindedness helps a lot in complicated situations. Let's just hope I get lucky the same way I did the 2 times before.
_
I keep asking myself, if I am good enough, would there even be a need for this scramble to prepare for tomorrow's interview if I am still eligible. I keep doubting myself, even though I am telling myself I can't go down without a fight; but what if I did win the fight, would I be good enough to handle this course?
I am lost, again. And there's always the lack of a light to guide me.
Wa lan oei
I was a happy man; I was short-listed for interview for NTU Comm Studies. Got interview means got chance ma...
I am a sad man; I was supposed to confirmed my attendance by e-mail by 20th April, but its already the 22nd. It was stated on the letter, I was just too excited to see it. Chances are I don't get the interview.
Always liddat, everything that comes in mail and is something good, I'm bound to miss it. Just like my Edusave Bursary prize. I AM DAMN DEPRESSED CAN?!
Mutant
I did the colorgenics test after seeing it on Sin Yee's blog.
Surprisingly accurate I must say. Not putting it up cuz you wouldn't bother to read it anyway, but here's the part that I felt echoed my thoughts out the most:
Btw, Sin Kuan amazed me, once again, with her ability to shop in just one single shop for half an hour. Amazing. I think all women possesses this ability right? Goodness.
忍
This, is what all Turret trainees(me included) are doing now.
In fact, this is the 9th core value of SAF.
==============================================
全世界都在學中國話
孔夫子的話越來越國際化
全世界都在講中國話
我們說的話讓世界都認真聽話
Woot. I like the song listening to it the first time. And for the first time, it has nothing to do with Hebe; I love how Selina sounds with the 繞口令. Ella sounded reallyyy boring.
Hebe still rocks though.
Chio la
This was on the headlines of Lianhe Wanbao a few days back,
The headlines reads, "200 local hunks masters art of hanging heavy objects on genitals".
Woah.
The charm he exudes, that flawless face, high intelligence(inferred from his decision to learn that lost art) and that hot bod; phew, what a hunk.
By their standards, I'm probably S'pore's hottest babe.
_
After laying in bed for almost 18 hours straight and lamenting why have I not die yet, I realise that with different illnesses comes with them, different emotions.
When having a flu, I just felt like beating up everyone. When having the sore throat, I just felt like stuffing myself with KFC's Cheesy(km's fav) BBQ Meltz which probably was the reason for the sore throat in the first place. When having the fever I just feel like needing a chio bu to be hugging me and telling me 'everything's gonna be fine'.
So in a nutshell, today I felt like beating up the chio bu I needed to hug me and telling me 'everything's gonna be fine' until the chio bu becomes KFC's Cheesy(km's fav) BBQ Meltz for me to eat.
Uh uh.
DIE!
I am glad to say that I'm back to my old self again. Yep. I haven't slept a wink since Friday.
But I think the lack of practise really causes me to lose my touch; I'm feeling so light-headed now that I can hardly walk.
Oh. I think its a fever. Yahoo.
Angel
I am unable to comprehend why is it that I'm being demonised by my course-mates. Some of them are saying that, despite my remarks that I'm a guai-kia who has not much of a life, I really am a party animal who regularly holds closet parties. And today I got a new one, see-ham, cockles in Hokkien.
I don't really mind see-ham cuz it sounds kinda cute, which is reflective of my image. However, I am irate about the previous comment. They claim that this comment are judgments based on my looks. So unfair. Of course, I do not blame them because I know full well what image I project due to my looks, which has been discussed at lengths by me and myself in this post.
Let me refute these baseless comments.
Firstly, I am scientifically a party human, even if i do party. Calling me a party animal may be more of a degrading term in linguistics sense. Secondly, i do not see the point in holding a party in such an enclosed space like a closet, even if I do party.
Thirdly and lastly, although I self-proclaim to be guai-kia, I am still not shy about ogling at chio-bus and talking about it; it is the ones who secretly ogle at girls and act like they are morally-upright and have already slipped their cameras into their croc shoes and taking pictures at will who are the true perverts/party animals/closet-party-goer.
My arguments are flawless and perfect, no room for refute; it's is obvious that I am an angel.
If there's any reason why my course-mates had passed these comments, I believe there can only be one:
They jealous of my good looks.
I await the day when I can make that last statement again without feeling nausea and guilty.
_
The bad thing about being flat-footed is that when I have a higher chace of stepping on things. Like how I just stepped on a ROW of staplets. It felt amazing when i tried to remove it; I felt the staplets IN my sole.
Finally had the stamina to totally look through my Hong Kong trip today. It's nice to be looking at the pictures and reminiscing about the fun I had back then. I feel like blogging the pictures out but here's the catch:
There's 484 pictures.
_
Back when i was still listening to English songs, there was 4 of the more famous female teenage singers whom I like- Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson and Mandy Moore.
Now, things are very different. We all know what happened to Britney, or rather, her hair. Christina's still singing; but with a slutty image. Jessica Simpson is well, passe.
Where is Mandy Moore? Must have been because the acting in 'A Walk To Remember' was too lousy. The show is probably the boring-est of boring shows I've watched la. Koreans and Japs are still the leaders in making sad love stories. On the other hand, the song is actually quite nice.
Weekend's gonna be over. Sad~
Soapy
"当黑夜清晰过白昼
当快乐赔上了所有
当理智熬不过放纵
你的神色什么都淡了"
<飘着>, 孙燕姿
Amazing lyrics.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOPHIE!
S28 laid a surprise for Sophie at King Albert's Park...'s Mac. A pretty lame venue but its a surprise so it has to be a place least conspicuous for Sophie to not suspect it.
We had full attendance from the ladies...
all very natural, except*cough cough*
and the guys except for 2 jokers(I think they owe owe Sophie money so didn't turn up).
pardon the sloppy photoshopping.
Didn't wait long before the protaganist showed up and she was pretty surprised as you can see.
After that it was the usual stuff, like spamming photos,
...trying to get a kiss from your friend and totally freaking him out,
Ming Yang is resonably spooked.
...and we even found Yao Jun's long lost sister, Felicia!
censored because this blog's owner very refined and civilised one.
I'm loving my phone la, getting to take photos whenever there is a need and music at my fingers all the time. Too bad I can't bring it to camp.
And there's this photoI took of our class's only couple which I personally looks very... er, chio?Artistic? Dunno. I science student, not that good at judging art. Just thought it looks nice.
I think I'm very bad at doing picture posts, I get kinda disorganized and out of ideas when I was doing this post. Oh well, its getting kind of late, I'll get some sleep then tomorrow file police case. Apparently someone with red hair and over-used lipstick took my bag while I left it unattended.
Bastard.
Boom-boom-boom
Forgive me if I ever sound incoherent in this post because I'm not a good drinker at all afterall.
Went out with my course-mates for outing after booking out. At first I thought we go chiong would be the very noisy noisy then a lot of scantily-clad girls dancing to the music. It turned out to be lacking the most important factor: girls.
We started off at a place which seems like a beer garden and we simply sat down and drank. I drank the least, obviously, not even one mug la. I seriously cannot understand people who actually chiong beer. It's as dumb as smoking la; doesn't taste/smell good and it kills you, and you're freaking paying so much for it. Wtf. Same goes for all that loud music.
After that, I was taken to a pub. It was tiny, dark, noisy and filled with ang-moh girls. As nice as they look, the cigarettes in their hands totally destroyed the scenery.
Didn't stay there long but I'm sure the smoke has already done more than enough damage. The interesting part was how surprised I was when i stepped out of the pub. I felt the world spinned.
Hardly a mug of beer and two-and-a-half cups of vodka and i seh liao. Shows how good a drinker I am eh.
So much for the anticipated outing. Merely an outing for me to inflict heavy injuries on my poor lungs and further aggravate my already-very-jia-lat liver.
But I'm sure this wouldn't be the last cuz I don't feel very negatively about this and I kinda like the atmosphere when people create as they drink.
Well, I guess I'm officially a social drinker now. Erm... woot?
Random Ramblings
I am a little bit pissed.
On my way home from camp I kanna ka jiao by this group of Malay guys, shouting 'Eh, wear your jockey cap properly' at me when I was already wearing it properly.
Knn. Not first time le lor. Always the same race one. Dunno why.
What's worse is that while I was reaching home, suddenly this random woman sitting at the pavement side randomly stretched out her hand with a random packet of empty kopi-o and randomly asked me to help her throw. And knn I actually randomly did la.
I should had charged her a random fee for that; or beat her up randomly to vent my frustration.
Sing-a-long
Damn the weekends are over already. Tomorrow still got freaking guard duty.
Today went out with Kok Mun and Wei Liang to K-Box to terrorize the K-Box staff.
Ok. Dunno what else to post. Time's too precious to be spent on stuff like this.
