Believe
Facebook, blogs, Twitter... Deep down, we're all attention whores.
I'm choosing to trust in the better of people.
This is not typical of my character which most often tend to look at the opposite.
Please help me in showing me that the world is not ugly as I believe it is. Because I want to.
Mug What
I'm listening to a song called 我只在乎你.
I'm not emo-ing, by the way. It's just the sugar rush I'm having from the ridiculously-sweet birthday cake and cupcake I had from a classmates birthday party that's keeping me awake.
The song is by Theresa Theng, a very famous singer from my parents' era(original singer of 甜蜜蜜) who had later died from an asthma attack. She's sort of like the equivalent of today's Fish Leong. If you're going 'oh, that song!', congratulations you're officially old-school. If you're going 'what?', don't worry that's normal. But if you're like me, going 'oh I lurrrve that song!', beware because you now fall under the same category of being old-school cheena.
I'm harping on being cheena nowadays because CS culture accomodates everything except cheena people/culture. No wonder I get the feeling I'm being ostracized... Not worried though. I'm cheena and pretty proud of it.
Oh school again. I think I should take my studying more seriously. Everyone seems to be mugging except me.
Time to mug. But... mug what?
Your Own Good
It is easier to over-perform when you're underestimated. So please underrate me.
After emo-ing at the basketball court, I came back home and made a decision I never thought I would. I signed up to volunteer for YOG 2010.
Sounds damn cool can. Imagine, "Hi, I'm Wayne Tan, your (insert position's name) Officer, how can I help you?" WOO-HOO. And can you imagine the number of foreign chio bus I get to bio? I might end up with a hot babe from Ireland woot(Unless of course if I kenna weight-lifters then I'll just concentrate on my work...). I'm feeling so motivated already.
Obviously it's not a shoo-in since there's probably a few other hundred more qualified people who signed up. But when we sign up for stuff like that we take it that we're in already. And in this case, I'm really not feeling at ease because this is so outside of my comfort zone.
Oh well. We only live once, don't we? Hopefully I get in, and can still join WKWSCI's FOC also.
After all, I believe this is for Your Own Good(omg lame attempt ahhhh).
I think...
I think I have something to say about the fresh results from the CI Club's elections.
I think I might get sued for this entry
I NEED to get this off my chest.
Random rant
NTU bus drivers are ridiculous.
I can forgive one or two grouchy drivers, but just today I've had three bus drivers giving lim peh attitude!
The first decided to close the doors when my friend had one feet up the steps; the second ignored my waving(and I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT BELOW THE ACT-COOL SHADES HE DID SAW ME), decided to act like he didn't and proceeded to 'check blind spot' before moving off happily. The third one almost wanted to but had to because, I don't know, maybe his moral conscience came up or something.
Bus No.1's stunt was promptly repeated on a helpless-looking girl while I was on my way home.
I hope Mr Jian Xuan can complain so maybe he can intimidate the bloody bus company into EDUCATE drivers on basic etiquette; his complains pack a punch comparable to Mike Tyson's. Step on his toes and be sure to kneel down to ask for forgiveness.
Otherwise he'll probably scold you till you commit suicide.
FB
My Facebook activity soars during lectures. Which obviously means I'm not exactly paying attention.
Typing Maniac is presenting itself as a game I feel like playing till I hit top score.
Also, I've been going out at night to throw some hoops due to lack of concentration.
All of the above points to the fact that I'm kind of eng. CONCENTRATE.
Laziness
I should be doing something about my ridiculous 5-day timetable. I mean, returning on Monday and Friday for 2-hour lessons is a pretty dumb thing to do, even though I live bloody close to school.
But something is stopping me from logging on to STARS.
I believe that something goes by the name, Laziness.
Random
The interesting part about hanging out with people you're not so familiar is that when you start playing the games, you get to hear dirt being dished out and as the closet gossip-lover, I really enjoyed being by the sidelines and listening.
That said, I think my life pales in comparison. Lack of experiences and missing out on 'fun'.
Then again, it really does depends on how we define 'fun' individually.
It's 4AM and I'm testing my liver's patience with the late night and some alcohol. I'm gonna start turning yellow soon.
Rant
Glorious 1,000th post!
Finished my stint at school at lab assistant after making a rather embarrassing mistake. The pay rise of $1 might never come if I keep this up.
At the very same time, DnD is on-going, which I had conveniently withdrawn from earlier in the week. I think I feel a little bit of regret tugging at my sleeve. Because I'm quite sure only first-years would be interested in such events and I plan to be a first-year only once in this lifetime.
Oh wells, what's done is done. I hope the catamaran catches fire or something like that hahaha.
It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like the rain. Guess what.
Believe
I have no faith in love. Maybe it's more of not believing myself, but as I've always said, I've seen so many failed relationships that I wonder why have them in the first place when it always ends in heart-breaks and pain.
Of course I've gone through my fair bit of heart-breaking, but honestly, compared to the other more serious cases of love-gone, loss and betrayal, I think my heart remains pretty much intact and whole.
But I guess that also means a rather cold and stony heart. Otherwise I won't be able explain why nowadays I'm so... nonchalant. I can't help it. I was in the process of closing up myself since army started. Now I'm so clammed up I forgot how to open up. My friend told me love happens, even if you don't try. I'm well on my way to proving him wrong.
Sitting in the lecture halls(especially during the one elective lecture I had alone) really makes me feel very alone. I've never felt such insecurity in JC or secondary school because back then, I had close friends to laugh and play around with.
In my life these friends are the only ones whom I can talk to. Ever. My family is there and although they'll always matter to me, they never know me like my friends do simply because we never talk. Or rather, this family doesn't know how to talk, and we're all contented to remain as we are and fulfil our individual roles. Not the rosiest scenarios but I'm cool with it.
And because of this I will do my best to keep my friends close.
I have failed some, and may fail in the other aspects of my life. But when I do, I hope I still have these friends to see me through the rain, walk me past the pain, carry my casket and remember who I am.
Emo post on an exceptionally vulnerable night. I'll be fine.
Fish
I love 梁静茹. Not in the same way as my Hebe of course, but definitely somewhere near.
I'm sure you'll agree with me if you're the mando-pop person.
Despite her ridiculous English name and ordinary appearance(as compared to others in the business), 梁静茹 has sang herself into stardom and touched millions with her sincere deliveries of ballads, establishing her reputation as the 疗伤天后(loosely translated to Queen of Wound-healing). I've been listening to her albums since her break-out hit that asks people to pluck up their bloody courage, until today where she's asking you to continue plucking up your bloody courage and stop bloody crying.
Honestly I do not regard 勇气 and 分手快乐 as her best songs; not because I don't like the songs, but simply because she's done far better ones than the two.
My top 3 favourite songs from her are as follows; Fly Away, 可惜不是你, 会呼吸的痛. If I were to pick one, I would go with 可惜不是你. What I like about it is not just because the lyrics hits home, but also how 静茹 starts the song in a almost indifferent voice, yet hiding a wave of emotions that releases itself slowly in the second part.
Maybe I might be thinking too much into the song, but every time I hear the song, no matter how many times or how frequent, I feel the same. If I'm not wrong, 杨宗纬 sang the song before, but he did not touch me(emotionally lah, dirty-minded people) the way 静茹 did.
For her new album, I like 用力抱着, and for 爱情之所以爱情 she does a style that is slightly different than her usual and is refreshingly nice. Do listen for them.
Anyway I suddenly decided to blog about her not because anything happened to her(we should make it a point to talk about people/artises who touched us one way or another when they're still alive), but because I heard 可惜不是你 on shuffle and decided that it will be a sin for me to not share it and ask you to listen carefully.
Eeee boring post. Next time, I will blog a bitching post on Cyndi Wang if I ever hear her song (accidentally) on radio again to entertain y'all ok.
Hawt
The fever is making me groggy whole day and doing nothing at all. Highest I had was a whopping 39.4. I think I can feel it coming back.
This is the end of the road for me, I believe. Goodbye world.
Chui
My post-night-cycling epiphany: "When there's a upslope, there'll be a downslope." Absolutely genius; confirm-guarantee no one even thought of that.
After one whole night of cycling from NTU to East Coast Park, I'm finally back home safely, with the two lifeless lumps of meat below my waist formerly known as 'legs' dangling below the table, and worrying about studies all over again! Isn't that great?
My friend told me that I've looked lifeless recently. That isn't much to say since most of the time I do look hardly alive. But I guess the persistent cough, STARS, money and social ineptness all chipped in to my life a little more miserable.
Oh well. What's life without a little misery.
After-thoughts
And there it goes, the first week of school - frantic clicking and struggles to stay awake in lectures - , it is pretty much what I expected in terms of workload. I'm sure the work will start coming in but that's an issue I'll concern myself with later on.
My thoughts?
A little conflicting, but that's me. Firstly, sitting through 4 Core's lectures and one Elective's lecture, I realise that what I'm doing now is somewhat like GP in JC, and I'm actually enjoying it. I'll expect some of you to go NANI and think that I'm crazy to be liking GP-ish modules.
Well the fact is that GP is the only subject(note it's the subject, NOT the lessons) that I actually come close to be interested in.
Doing all these GP-ish modules puts my mind to ease because unlike in JC when you have the sciences and mathematics subjects, mugging does not equal good results. What the modules demand is good background preparation and particularly in the case of my elective, a sharp analytical mind.
I am comforted to know that now, even if I don't score, it's not because I didn't mug but I'm simply not smart enough. And that is wonderful because it's much easier to say that 'you're stupid' than 'you're not working hard enough' (the former allows us to put some blame on hereditary traits).
Of course I don't mean I don't have to work hard now, it's just that now at least I won't be losing out to people who are so obviously dumber than I am.
Given my own character, I know I am still extremely sceptical about my feelings now because I am, afterall, still in S'pore.
But at least, I have one more reason to convince myself that I'm not really in the wrong faculty at all.
Camping Trip
School has officially began. The weeks of slacking are over and the new life has opened into its new chapter. And surprisingly, it's not the lectures or teachers or hot babes(CS girls really fashion parade everyday, but that's another post for another day), it is the STARS that's all the rage now.
And by the description rage I really do mean RAGE. As of now I'm camping in STARS and having to repeatedly
*tab-switching*
switch to another window to F5 to see if slots actually came out. It's boring work but absolutely essential because the possibility of having only 12AUs at the end of the day is very real.
*tab-switching*
It's sort of ridikulus actually, spending the time in front of the computer screen clicking and clicking on the same page. I could use the time to do other more constructive stuff and NO, the school decides that the students must learn how to sit in front of the computer and do all that.
Right now I've already given up on organising the time-table. I'm simply waiting for any single slot to open up and I'll pounce on it. All I need is a miracle. Is that too much to ask for?
Unclear
With two days till start of school proper, the future now looks so... so unclear, so blurred...
Oh. It's just the haze.
Random musings
I think I was supposed to do an extremely enlightening post yesterday. Too bad for all of you, I overslept the inspiration. Yes, overslept. Something that happens to me as frequent as a bad-hair day would happen to David Gan.
I think I slept at 11PM, and woke up at 8PM. Sleeping back into time, no wonder I woke up feeling disoriented and dry of ideas.
Two-and-a-half years since my last lecture, I shall be facing the first trial on Tuesday morning. Not to mention the upcoming Fastest-Fingers-First(FFF) on the same night. I have a plan that involves bombing all residential halls in NTU to take out competition for courses. But that involves meticulous planning and more importantly, money!
So if I managed to sell my iPod Touch at a good price, I probably can buy the container to hold the explosives.
Staying alive
Sorry to disappoint but I AM STILL ALIVE.
I am sure many of you would have gone to your respective places of worship and pray that the world can finally get rid of one of its many wretched beings, but too bad~ The good die young and evil lives forever, yeah.
If you don't believe me, look at history and the theory proves itself. Hitler lived long enough to traumatize the entire Jewish population, yet Mother Theresa didn't live long enough to make enough people see her point. Or take for example our dear King of Pop, Michael Jackson. He didn't had the chance to do his world tour for everyone to see, and yet Miley Cyrus is still singing in Hannah Montana!
See, life isn't fair.
Anyway, now that I'm half-recovered, I'm considering whether to go for this afternoon's Freshmen ceremony. One part of me tells me I don't want to miss out on another OG outing, the other part(named, Social Responsibility), tells me I should stay at home and not infect anyone else(even though I don't know if it is H1N1 or not, it's always better to be on the safe side and assume I do).
There's a lab assistant briefing for me at 4.30 as well, so I might as well go. Speaking of lab assistant, I applied to work in school as lab assistant to earn a tinny-winny bit of money, and hopefully I'll get the job. I was planning for an outside one, but I think I should give myself time to adapt to studying all over again and not rush into multi-tasking. Especially since the impending workload seems kind of, in gaming lingo, gay.
School's starting next week and I don't want it to. I want to mahjong(I missed two sessions because of the illness, sad), I want to K-Box(missed because of illness again), I want to watch Up!, I want my money, I want... everything except school to start.
sigh
Recovery
"You know, just because people do horrible things doesn't mean that they are horrible people."
Ok, so perhaps it's not H1N1. I'll never know. But I don't care, I'll blame Wei Liang anyway.
All the doctor said was, it doesn't matter if it is H1N1 or not, just take the medicine.
Due to the fever last night, I laid in bed for like 8 hours wondering when the hell can I stop shivering. And because of the 8 hours I had decided that I shall aim for a 21 AU semester and if i fail to get the courses I want, I'll go for the 19 AU which has modules that are easier to register; I've also decided that I'll go for a laptop that's hopefully around a thousand because a Macbook is redundant(sorry Apple fans) since I don't stay in hall, meaning I'll be working with this PC which is good enough for me.
Weird huh.
I can only figure out what I want when I'm hot.
H1N1
Sore throat.
Flu.
Muscle ache.
You know, if Mr Quek ever gets murdered, the police will immediatelymark me as biggest suspect.
"Hello Mr Tan. We have here, all the documents that point to the fact you have more than one motive to cause the death of Mr Quek Wei Liang, starting with 2002..." (proceeds to slam one mountain of paper infront of me)
Wish me luck, yo.
Musings
I'm such a wuss when it comes to stories, like I was suppressing the urge to bawl while reading Dumbledore funeral in Half-Blood Prince EVEN though I knew he'll back.
Poring over lists of electives yielded several choices, though I must say I'll need some Felix potion if I want to get these highly-popular electives. What's the worse that can happen to me?
And I'm seriously considering a Macbook, meaning I'll go into Uni neck-high in debt, because Windows laptop aren't worth it(no Vista for me plz), and I'm feeling a little materialistic. It'll be nice if someone can walk up to me to chide and lecture me on the excesses of life and why I don't need them; but then again, human nature can often hardly be suppressed if the person in question lacks the will to.
Here I come, Deathly Hallows~
犯贱
Question:
Can i declare myself ang-moh pai and take Introduction to Chinese Language?
In JC, I complained about the lack of flexibility and freedom.
Later in army, I complained about even more lack of flexibility and freedom, plus a sudden void of intelligence in myself and my environment.
And then, in University life, when I finally recover lost wisdom, experience flexibility(depending on speed of your finger) and freedom(also, depending on speed of your finger) in planning my own timetables and subjects to study, I feel like complaining about being spoilt for choices and wondering 'why can't everything sort itself out'.
In simple, straightforward chinese language, I call this 犯贱.
