Update.
Let's just say, i am damn good at guessing things.
I can't believe i got that gut feeling correct.
And cheers, financial problems are solved.
Now i can eat chicken rice in peace.
Btw.
Happy Birthday Sinkuan!
Reminisce.
Today’s work wasn’t as tiring as last time. ==================================== Sin yee doing in her life. ====================================
On the way back I took the time to relax myself on the back on the lorry, looking up at the sky as the lorry rode on.
I noticed that as I look up at the sky, the sky itself remains largely unchanged while the surroundings whizzes past. It took quite a long while until the black clouds slowly drift over the sky above when I comprehended that the sky is not constantly there. It’s changing, but too gradual for me to notice and somehow the contrasting drastic changing surroundings undermines the changes the sky makes.
I related this phenomenon to myself. The sky becomes the reflection of myself as I look into it. As my environment changes and things happen, I really feel sometimes that things are changing too fast for me to catch up yet I still remain stagnant. But in actual fact, I have grown and changed with the events I encounter, but because the events are happening so fast to make me too preoccupied that I do not notice that very slight, gradual, but strong change in me. It is only when unfortunate events (represented by the dark clouds I saw on the lorry) arrives that requires drastic action that I truly see the change in me.
A little abstract. Hard to truly explain ba.
====================================
The ride was long so that wasn’t the only thing I was thinking; in fact, it only took up a small fraction of my time. What really got my mind full was I was thinking back old memories.
Many people said that indulging oneself in past memories is bad, and causes people to lose motivation or the drive in life. But what I believe is that should the memories be valuable, important(in either good or bad ways), not thinking about that is a sin and blasphemy to what life has given to you.
I was thinking of the crazy imagined thoughts I had for the past year. While most are obviously exaggerated, few still exist as being likely to become reality itself. What hit me harder was that even if those became reality, those are no longer events I need to care about. Afterall, I was the one who chose gave up. Wait, ‘chose’ is wrong; I had and needed to. Even if there were choices, I know I have to take that road. And from I am seeing now, she's probably better off without me interfering.
Something else lingered on my mind.
While I was too busy in the present and future, I missed out on this important part of my life: my old friends; great old friends whom took me through a tough but nevertheless wonderful part of my life.
I tried to recall how the friendship between me, km, and weimin were forged. Failed.
I tried to recall how the Rubbish met and became so close. Failed.
I tried to recall the first time we partied at lyoe’s house. Failed.
How me and km became such good friends.
How it began was so vague to me. But how it went on is all so clear to me.
Our steamboat.
The carpark.
The 7-Eleven near Css that we went at midnite.
IMM warehouse.
Basketball the 3 of us bought.
The ‘movies’ we shot.
The beautiful things we did together etched deep in my mind. It suddenly reminded me of how important these ordinary people were to me. How they reminded me that I was not forgotten. Like the time km came to my house’s playground to talk to me about some problems, I was so glad that I can finally do something for a friend, as little as it was. Or how lyoe took the time to reply to my messages of poems making me feel cared for.
As I recall all this, it wasn’t under the feeling of grief or loss. But somehow, the feeling of gratefulness filled me.
Grateful that my friends are faring better than the dire straits in which I am in.
Km finding himself amidst his class peers and still striving for what he aims.
Weiliang finding true friends who cherish him more than I did.
Lyoe adapting himself well in his new environment.
Weimin bathing in bliss with his wife.
Kai quan pursuing his interest in music by forming a band.
Sin kuan, also in bliss with a really nice guy.
Xiu ming, obviously having fun with her friends.
Pristine, well, that cheerful girl should be able to find her happiness ba.
I miss them, but I’d never want to relive that time, cuz I don’t want to go through all the pining again.
Time made us out to be what we were. Time broke us up into what we are.
Distance itself broke our sextet. Time broke our ‘steamboat’ clique.
I am sad about that, of course. But everyone has moved on to their respective lives, and enjoying themselves.
I am moving on too. Maybe not as good as theirs, but I am doing fine.
Personification
Life is so un-eventful, that I think I personify the word 'boredom'.
So the next time you feel bored, instead of saying "life is boring", you can say "life is wy".
ZZ.
瑶池圣母
I have so much hate and frustration in me right now that i feel like 瑶池圣母.
The difference is that I'm not going to kill anyone, i can't live a few thousand years to take revenge, the hate would not destroy the world and 瑶池圣母 is not as chio as i am it has nothing to do with love.
The biggest being that evrything would be fine after i get a good night's sleep.
=)
Not bored, not at all.
Woke up with an ache in my waist.
Basically a boring day la. Nothing much. Only shocking thing that happened was that i realised many people are halfway into their holiday homework?
Siao la.
Anyway. Here's something funny.
Source: Kenny Sia
Zzz
Clark Kent never wanted those powers.
He has a nice family..
Good friends.
His love interest.
But with those powers everything changed-especially the situation with Lana.
He has to leave her because letting her into his world might just very well kill her.
Lana didn't believe in that, until the day when she came looking into Death's face.
"I think i should keep away from you...", was what she said to Clark during the last episode of Smallville i watched. Well, i lost track of the show when it started, so i'm catching the re-run. It must be real painful for Clark; there's always a difference in thinking it will happen and when it REALLY does happens. Can somehow relate huh...
Really tired now after the day's work at the warehouse.
At least I have the money to enjoy myself for a bit now.
New skin!
Finally, I have completed my blogskin. Took me nearly a month's work...
Not an easy task for an IT idiot like me.
Especially when the photo host keeps giving me problems.
But anyway, its done!
Kinda like it.
Evil Cycle theory
Sometimes, keeping so many things to yourself just weighs so much your legs simply give way and you feel so helpless and weak… I experience that frequently, even right now as I type this entry in Microsoft Word without an internet connection (and dying of boredom; in fact, I think it’s the boredom that’s making me so helpless). When friends hear that, they would offer ‘a listening ear’, or a ‘helping hand’. So nice. Terrible days without internet. I spend the days reading, working out and studying. Terrible days ahead. I have $130 plus left for the rest of the holidays. Die~
But I never liked such an action. Reasons being beside the fact that now I’m so acquainted with this feeling of helpless that I’m ok with just roughing it out, I think maybe it’s my ego? Not totally ba. Somehow, I’ve always have this concept in mind.
Scenario: Consider in this scenario that friends really do share your burden. (Well, when you hear your friends saying their problems you do feel as sad as they are right?)
For example, I’m feeling lost/helpless/painful right now. Then I decided to find friend A to talk to. So the feeling of lost/helpless/painful previously faced at 100% by me is split up into 50-50 between me and friend A. If originally friend A were free of worries, then the poor chap now ‘owns’ 50% of lost/helpless/painful feelings for nothing. If the poor guy originally has his own problems, that would be a freaking 150%! Painful lehz, I can testify to that feeling of having to worry about yourself and someone else as well.
Let’s project this picture further, and assume friend A has 150% of lost/helpless/painful feelings and decides to share (bth le ma) with friend B. Then both parties end up with 75% each; if friend B were free of worries, he gets 75% of lost/helpless/painful feelings for bloody nothing; if friend B has his own problems, it’s an astounding 175% lost/helpless/painful feelings!!!!
You get the picture? Project this scenario further, 175 -> 87.5-> 187.5-> 93.75-> 193.75…….. And finally some poor thing ends up with 10^5% (not bad that the ones before him can tahan) and decides that cutting his own throat seems fun.
What does this means?
I KILLED SOMEONE INDIRECTLY!! CONVICTED OF MANSLAUGHTER!!
Oh my~….. Evil cycle...
End of scenario.
Ok. Now you see how deep I think right? No wonder I keep getting myself troubled over small things.
But it just sounds so logical to me?*shrugs*
=============================================
Internet's cut off cuz i no money pay bills cuz i forgot to pay the bills.
ZZZZ.
So boring at home for the next week le..
WARNING
WARNING: Extremely cek ark, vulgar, explosive entry.
I AM FED-UP, ANGRY, FURIOUS. Anything that has to do with ANGER.
That god-damn couple, sonovabitch asswhipe, CAUSED ME MY HARRY POTTER.
ASSHOLE.
*take deep breath*
Ok. Lemme tell you guys what happened. The 12(?) of us bought tix for the Harry Potter movie. I was really looking forward to it, but it was ruined. We went in, and realised that the movie's started! Right on time! WHAT THE **** HAPPENED TO COMMERCIALS? Then we realised that a couple was sitting on our seats.
After asking, they said that apparently, they are at the right cinema, right time, right seatings.(Note: they said, it was too dark for us to check, and the movie's started already). I just thought it was BLOODY SHAW's fault that they ****ing screwed up the tix.
So we had to share seats. Being taught by my mum to be gentlemanly, i let liting take up the comfortable position, while i take up the less comfortable one. Well, i thought i can just bear with it ma, 2 hours onli ma...
2 FREAKING HOURS, I have to allocate different timings for both sides of my butt on the seat or they just be devoid of blood circulation and drop off *the horror!*. I couldn't concentrate well on the movie; I didn't even had the chance to slowly appreciate the beauty of Cho Chang!
But that's not it. At the end of the movie, when the lights turn on, the girls briefly talked that they don't think that the couple was telling the truth. I stood my ground, and suddenly realise that something was wrong.
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.
So i decided to go against the typical S'porean attitude of "nvm la", and asked the couple if they were sure, and if they can prove it.
Apparently, THEY WERE UNABLE TO DO SO.
The girl immediately showed signs of remorse and turned to her asswhip boyfriend for help. Both fumbled for a while, trying to stall for time, and the asswhip boyfriend saw his chance that the row was emptying and quickly made his escape.
What could i do? Well, being taught by mum to be polite to people, all i could do is just say, "Thx.... (raised by about 2 decibels) THX.... (raised by 4 decibles)THANKS!!!!!!!!!"
SEE! i so polite, i didn't even say a word of vulgarity to them! And the guy still diao me a few times before hurrying out! (How i noe he diao me? Cuz i diao back ma...)
That aside, THEY SPOILT MY ENTIRE MOOD FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.
I am pissed off.
Being taught by mum never to curse people, I never did.
BUT I SHALL DO IT TODAY.
I curse the guy(mum taught me never to curse girls if i were to start cursing) to have PILES ON HIS ASS for sittingon that seat. Erm, HIS GF LEAVES HIM ONE WEEK LATER, BEFORE THAT, MAKING HIM A CUCKOLD. What else........
I curse that ON HIS WAY HOME, A DRAGON APPEARS AND .... and... and wad... lemme think... YES, AND RAPES HIM! Wonderful punishment! Then, then, when he goes swimming, the underwater Mer-folk grabs him and RAPES HIM UNDERWATER. And, when he goes to a garden with his girlfriend, the trees and grass forms a maze with him inside and... HE GETS RAPED BY A TREE. And.. and...... When he is in his room sleeping, VOLDEMORT APPEARS AND RAPE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!
=========================================
Wow. That feels good. As for the movie... Well, i think that its good la, but i dun have the mood that time to watch it in detail... So i'll hope to watch it again.. But Rubbish like cannot sia.. Sian. Wait for vcd le lor...Disclaimer: All characters portrayed living or dead are purely fictional and
any similarities with any persons is purely coincidental and the blooger
will not be responsible. All views expressed above does not represent the
blogger's views.
Solitude.
Family went to M'sia.
Handphone off. Radio off. TV off. Quietly reading.
I like the quietness. The blankness of thoughts.
I'm not going to affect anyone with this attitude of mine.
No way am I going to let anyone go down with me.
Even if it means i'm doomed to be left alone...
Happi burfdae Ming Yang.
I haven't felt so much like home before.
Today we had a celebration for Ming Yang and surprised him by going to his house. Shortly after that we had dinner together at Koufu.
13 people, squeezing around a small round table, eating 煮炒.
Feels so... heart-warming =)
The Dark Tower
The Dark Tower I: The Gunslinger
The Dark Tower II: The Drawing Of The Three
The Dark Tower III: The Wastelands
The Dark Tower IV:Wizard and Glass
The Dark Tower V: Wolves Of The Calla
The Dark Tower VI: Song Of Susannah
The Dark Tower is basically a series of fiction stories by Stephen King which I'm finishing. Read The Dark Tower I & II in 2002, then stopped in 2003 for unforeseen circumstances, then read book III & IV in 2004. I never thought I would be finding book V in the library for the next 2 years or so, but lucky me, i found it about a month ago! It was so good I finished the 500+ pages in about a week! Then, when I returned the book, I accidentally found book VI on a shelf where it shouldn't belong! Damn tyco la.. Must be ka, hahahz..
Anyway, I'm one book away from the grand finale, The Dark Tower VI: The Dark Tower. So exciting. Will the Tower fall? Will Susannah die? Will the Roland die under his own son's gun?
Commala-come-ka
The Rose awaits.
Commala-come-ka
The Crimson King waits.
One more turn of the path and we reach the clearing...
Starvation
Zzzz.
I have about 400 bucks left for the holidays le.
Cfm not enough...
Cuz sis's appetite getting bigger..
Want to eat something else rather than Maggi also buay sai liaoz~
Creepy~
I dreamt of her saying this, “This is not the real you. I hate what you are now. I still prefer the you I once knew; the one who made me laugh when I’m down and make me laugh harder when I’m happy. I hope you can do the same to your friends as well. Take your time, its deep inside you.. Find it and show your friends the real you.
That's about what I remembered.
Creepy.
Its either I'm going crazy, or I did dreamt of that.
But I guess something that positive wouldn't be a sign of craziness ba.
Healthy Living.
I think by the end of this holiday i'll slim down by a lot.
Basically this is what goes on for a non-activity day: I wake up in the morning around 12 in the noon. Breakfast would be plain porridege with egg. Then tahan all the way till around evening, then I'll maybe go out for a run, after run I'll drink lots of water, that way i forgo dinner. And finally for dinner, i eat Maggi. For sleeping, usually I'll sleep once in two days; like today sleep le, then tomorrow won't sleep, then day after tomorrow then sleep.
Damn healthy lifestyle, right?
========================================
I'm surprised I'm taking the onslaught of emotions and thoughts so easily.
No depressed moods, no sadness.
But I think i'll like to tone down a little, stay off the blog for a while.
Cuz if i start blogging down everything I'll hurt some people and my readers, cuz there's millions of things to say la.
虚
记得几个礼拜前，自己的心情还乱得七上八下，就算是睡觉也会梦到。不知道为何，近日来的烦恼好像都离去了。
这个空挡，让自己有些措手不及。
但，我也因为有这个安静的时间才会对本身这些年来的作为有了全新的评估。接下来要说的，是你们从来没见过的我；因为藏得太好了，连自己也忽略了。
我一向都爱以“直接坦率”来形容自己，因为我真的那么认为。现在看清了自己，我只能说，我不配。
以前身边的朋友爱讲笑话，不管好笑不好笑。而身为听众的我，是完美的听众，因为我无论如何都会笑。原因在于，我讲笑话没人笑时，感到很受伤；所以我不想比较亲近朋友会受到这种感觉，才学会了‘敷衍’这门‘学问’。
这门‘学问’，厉害在于它让你在不知不觉中学会它，并且习惯用它，让人不自觉地变成伪君子。
我就是这样，长时间对于那些不好笑的笑话大笑，习惯了敷衍，习惯了在人前伪装成一副开朗，爱笑的人。我到了今天，才知道我从没停止这样做。 是的，你在学校看到那，听到任何笑话就猛笑的我，是虚伪的，是造作的。大笑，不是我的性格。
虚伪的包装，延伸到了我性格的每个角落。
我看清了。
清楚得让自己有些害怕。
起初发现时，真的吓到了。看着在镜子里自己，是一个戴了数年面具的坏人。是一个里外不同性格的连合。
好可怕的人。
===================================================
在MSN 上看见了这么一个NICK: 虽然有时候我们可能说了些话是在开玩笑，但是我们可否想过不一定每个人都能接受这种玩笑，所以有时候我们应该懂得适可而止。
第一个反应就是想和他开个玩笑说他干嘛装清高。
好刻薄的想法。
这想法，完完全全反应了这番话的含义。我马上意识到；无论他是有心或无意的或可能是说者无心听者有心，这句话是冲着我来的。
天呀，我在几天前BLOG 出了自己虚伪的一面，正当我在盘算着该不该BLOG出时，就发现了自己一直想改变的缺点从没成功。
年初时，我以为我变得敏感多了，不在象以前一样的MEAN，也就是EQ高了。可是，我又错了。我没变。
说话还是一样的刻薄。一样的冷感。一样的EQ白痴。
====================================================
这整个post我其实分成三段来写。这种写法，还是头一遭。第一段几天前写了不POST是考虑到POST出去后朋友从此会用怀疑的眼光来看我，所以有顾虑。第二段数小时前写了不POST，是因为情绪几乎崩溃了；自己发现自己还是一样糟糕又失败的人，有点承受不住，写第二段时真的很想哭。但还是忍住没哭。
但老实说，把自己的这一切写了出来，心中好宁静好自在。
心中有了结论： 改不改刻薄性格不重要。重要在于对人的诚恳。讨厌就讨厌，不好笑就不笑。
在镜子前刷牙的我，看见的不是戴了数年面具的坏人，而是曾经戴过数年面具的坏人。
着实吓了一跳。原来在彻底地撕下一切包装后可以那么地轻松。
也对啦。
人在出生时，也还不是赤裸裸地？
Tired.
Somethings in life, no matter how much you hate them the way they are, no matter how much you want them to change, once it happens too many times, you just get numbed.
Take for example, being ignored...
Quote
最震撼人心的，不是温柔或爱。
因为温柔和爱会随着时间的流逝而淡化，最终成为一个无谓的回忆。
真正会震撼人心的，是愤怒和悲伤。因为愤怒和悲伤会在人的心中留下一道爪痕，而这道爪痕不会痊愈，在你偶尔回想时而碰触到这个伤口时，那个痛是刺骨的。
这种感觉，很多人体会，却不懂得表达.
-<战神>
Yawn...
The world is my playground...
So old liaoz still play playground?!~
Let go..
"But letting go doesn't mean forgetting.. you can still keep them as memories to
remember in life.. but just that when you thought of it, you aren't really
affected by it.. only when you let go.. can you move on..."
-05s28 class blog entry
Each time I recalled that time, it just kinda hurts.
I guess..
I have yet to truly let go..
有感而发
不懂甜言蜜语，也不解浪漫风情。
不懂温柔, 更不会细心。
没有英俊潇洒，不是家才万贯。
注定一生，光棍一个。
7 Things
I remember during the early days of Friendster, I also like to do these things a lot. But gradually lose interest coz... I found it lame la. Bin Hao for being such a nice guy/fren/PW mate. Liting for being such a good fren/PW mate; and for laughing so much(?). Jeremy
Now, even blogs are doing this?
I don't mind since I would just be doing it in moderation..
Sabotaged by the grouchy and angry Lee Kok Mun..
Seven things that would scare me
Mirror(or anything else that reflects)
Cockroaches
Ruhua
Ah Bengs
The Sun
Ginger
Metamorphasis of Kok Mun at night
Seven things I like
GILLIAN~
Food.Porno Movies.
Songs.
Chio bu(who doesn't?)
Talking
Jokes
Seven most important things in my room
Bed.
Com.
Fan/Air-con
MP3 player
CD collection
Radio
Erm, pillow..
Blanket
Seven random facts about me
I am not gay.
I am male
I am not female.
I hold a record of 4 days without sleep.
I love Gillian and Hebe~
I was in red-cross before.
I hate the 9th alphabet of the ABC series.
Seven things I can do
I can sleep*gasps*
Think very deeply, too deeply.
Do one sit-up
Do one push-up
Do half a chin-up
Play basketball
Sing like a giraffe.
Seven things I can't do
Sleep more than 8 hours on most days
Kill a cockroach(i too ci bei le)
Win weiliang in acting cute
Win weimin in stoning
Win Lyoe in being a nice guy
Win kokmun for being manly
Win kq in being racist
Seven words I say the most
I
You
Thanks~
Basket.
Oh my~
Alright
Hahaz.
Seven people I want to sabo see doing this
Lyoe for making me miss him
Weiliang coz i wanna see a blog with a post dated Oct 19 2004 and the next is Nov ?? 2005.
Weimin coz i wanna see miracle happening.
Hongyi coz i jealous you got gf for being a brudder!for being so xialan even til now for being such an important fren to me even though you didn't realise it(and even though you won't be reading this).
Zzzz
That's what makes "A Moment To Remember" so different from fairy tale stories; fairy tales end with 'happily ever after', which is about the unknown future. I prefer the more down-to-earth type where we look at moments in life and memories that truly makes life so much more beautiful.
zZz. Typed out entire entry but the alignment so strange. That's basically the gist of it la.
Really enjoyed the show; i watched it so late in the night yet didn't feel a tinge of sleepiness throughout.
Perfect.
Movie Spree
Wah.
Just finished watching '精武家庭'.
Eh. I don't know what its about le.
'Coz distracted..
Gillian is damn chio~~~~~~~~
Look chio, plus she fight also damn chio.
CHIO LA.
Stephen Fung also quite yandao.
Now going on to watch "A moment to remember". Heard from liting like not bad.
Hope i won't be disappointed.
Zzz
Staying at home all the time.
Intoxicating myself with vcds and books.
Forgetting about the world.
Forgotten by the world.
Pokemon
What i've learnt from watching Pokemon is to keep on striving for your goal no matter how many times you've failed, and one day you might just succeed.
Nope, it isn't Ash and Pikachu that inspired me.
Its Team Rocket who is still trying to catch Pikachu and still using the same slogan even now at Pokemon Advanced.
Prepare for trouble Make it double
To prepare the world from devastation
To unite all people within our nation
To denounce the evils of truth and love
To extend our reach to the stars above
Jesse, James
Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light
Surrender now or prepare to fight.
Maybe
I'm just not fated to find it.
倚老卖老
As youths, we always hear the elders talk about how atrocious the new generation is nowadays, and how pure and nice their generation is(was,for those no longer alive). But somehow, I just keep meeting old people who are equally or even more atrocious than us! Not counting past incidents, I shall just talk about what happened today. I was on my way for lan, and of course, I'll need to take the bus. The bus stop was slightly crowded and most were waiting for the same bus as me. When the bus came, naturally I try to get up the bus by the front door as normal humans do(yes, i am normal). Then, this old man stood in my path. He looked at me and sneered, "Young man don't know how to give way huh.." No problem, I will gladly give way to him, but with the entire crowd of would-be passengers behind me, i can't possibly move back. This old man, clearly lacking of empathy, turned angry and shouted(not loud coz he still needs to save the breath to cling onto his life) for me to get out of his way. And used his walking stick to..erm... using whack would be overstating the old guy's strength but heck.. he whacked me with his walking stick. Using his age as excuse to whack me? Neeever. With a turn of my wrist I skilfully disarm the old man of his walking stick and broke the stick into half. But crouching hidden dragon, the old man isn't an oil lamp which saves oil(省油的灯). Using the handles on the bus door as support, the old man lashed out towards my chest with his legs, obviously leaving me no choice but to dodge to the side. He anticipated my move, and in a swift action, his fist has already reached my chin...
A moment of darkness. Then i snapped awake.
Hmmm. Bus reaching destination le. Sleep so long still haven reach sia.
I wonder if the old guy whom i gave way to is doing now.
Zero The Lyricist
6AM, and the rain is falling
I just came
Back from my bike-riding trip
Lucky for me i didn't get
Drenched in the pouring rain
So i must now
Go take a bath
But it is very cold
I might just catch a cold
But i believe
With heater on
The water won't be cold
So i just wait a while
Then i'll start to take my bath
Then after i finish my bath
Then i shall go and sleep at last.
Sing this using trademark's 'Only Love' tune. Not bad hur.
Lies
Had the inspiration to do this post because my sis lied to my mum about something today and got found out.
Lies. Everyone has told one before. be it a harmless white lie or a malicious one. There can be a few senarios where one lies. One, to protect oneself from certain trouble, like a child getting into a fight in school and lied that he wasn't the one who started it when he really did. Two, is to protect the one being lied to from certain hurtful truths. Three, to purposely sabotage the one being lied by keeping them in the dark about certain things.
Besides point 2 in which the motive is essentially to protect others, point 1 and 2 are bad in the sense that it undermines the trust one has for the speaker. And trust is especially important between friends. This is in the case of the lie being found out.
Should the lie be undiscovered, the speaker himself would face the problem of trying to live the lie. Worse, the speaker might somehow along the way realise that he has to tell more lies to keep the first lie, and hence it spirals into a whirlpool of endless lies. By that time should ONE of the lies be discovered, everything falls apart and *puff*, goes whatever trust there is.
I'm not sure for others, but I'm the sort of person when you lie to me and I discover it, i will completely distrust the person from then on and it will be a long time before I gain it back. Yes, I admit there's some trace of pettiness in that but heck, its trust we're talking about here, VERY important lehz.
I remember many many years ago, when a very close friend of mine lied to me. She was a childhood friend, but when i realise that she lied, I got so angry that I never gain back my trust for her till about...
Nope. I never quite did. Because after that we didn't spend enough time together for me to gain trust for her back.
haiz. Another new memory pops out as i typed that. i wonder if she had carried this regret till she... Nah, I think too highly of myself. Nevermind that, back to topic.
Of course, I've told my fair share of lies, mostly to my parents, but its mostly harmless petty things like saying i'm meeting up with friends when I'm actually going for lan. otherwise, I don't have much chances to lie to my friends. But still, I know the feeling of having to tell more lies to cover up one, and lucky me, none had discovered it yet.
Lies are bad. So children, remember to be hao hai zi and don't tell lies ok? Guai~
I think Just Like Heaven looks like a nice movie.
I think Harry Potter IS a nice movie.
Songs Galore
Today a little bored. "我想要学会自我催眠 痛觉会少一些 潜意识作祟 想着想到失眠 我躺在没有你的房间 寂寞更加明显 我渐渐的自我催眠 却回不到从前"
Just stayed home and listened to music all day long.
So, I shall just make up a list of my favourite songs.
Energy-Missing You
Its more because of the time when I first heard it than the song itself that made me like this song so much. Sad.
5566-我难过
This is the first song I heard from them and the last song I like from them. Its like… the only song that make me feel the emotions within. The other songs from them just sound so commercial.
S.H.E-远方
If you didn’t know, this song is not original. The original version is one sang by Backstreet Boys called “How did I fall in love with you”. This one was an unreleased song from their album Black & Blue and I still listen to this song(BSB one) even till now.
S.H.E-我爱你
Hebe shows her powerful vocals. Otherwise, I just like it as it is.
Ocean-失落海平线
A relatively new song. I like it for the sadness Ocean brings out so vividly.
罗志祥-小丑鱼
I think he’s not very popular in S’pore, so his songs a bit ‘cold’. Like this song ‘coz it sounds very close to (my) heart.
罗志祥-自我催眠
Kao. This is the first time that a song fits almost totally with what happened to me! And its penned by Jay lehz. Siao siao.
Z-Chen-很想你
First heard this song sang by Derrick on Superstar, then like it for the ordinary but emotion-filled lyrics. It sounds like someone talking to himself inside his broken heart, very special.
Mayday-纯真
Another very cold song. Like it for the same reason as 知足; simple and soothing.
Mayday-知足
Simple, soothing. Life-depicting.
Dreamz FM-不值得, Should I Stay
Sad that this local group is not recognized. 不值得 is a song which has… very high vocals. Sounds like disgusting to have a group of guys singing high notes throughout the entire song but its surprisingly good. Should I stay? Need me say more meh?
Jay-搁浅, 发如雪
The songs itself isn’t exactly the best, but I simply lurvvvve the lyrics. Plus, its sang by Jay lehz.
That’s about it ba. Have a nice day.
想
好想好想。
撇开一切前往极乐世界。
My justification of myself.
The beauty of reading is not just that you gain knowledge of what's happening around you, but you learn something about yourself along the way too.
My character is somehow mixed. I laugh a lot, more in the past than i am now, but still quite like the feeling of laughter and i like more of the sound of others' laughter. Yet, i bear this sad perception of life. You can ask why do i want to do that, but the answer is that i can't help it! I just can't see how you can look at a certain thing so nicely when obviously, it isn't something nice at all.
Erm, that sounded a little off. Nvm. Not importantly. The point is, I can't be optimistic (anymore). The more i know of the this race, the more i realise how little we know of this place we're living in and ourselves.
What created this Universe, really? Why Earth, all living conditions suitable for life, why such a coincidence?
That's a little off the focus. Anyway, I'm gradually coming to terms with my pessimism. Like all who has advised me, I had thought that the pessimism would one day destroy me.
That's wrong. Its the optimism that would kill me. I am such a person that if i were to fail in a task or something of the sort, I would blame myself for the failure no matter what, in the process giving myself a lot of pressure.
Its the pessimism in me that got me ready for failure, so the disappointment wouldn't be too big. But if i were optimistic and place high hopes on things i do, then the disappointment would be big and... I'll be VERY sad.
I'm fated to be pessimistic; maybe that's what I should be. I don't see how its affecting me adversely, like making me lose the drive to live or stopping my daily activities. Anything in excess is bad, even optimism.
I prefer to see my pessimsim as a 'practicalism'. To see life in its most practical as possible, to know side-effects before the positive effects. I still laugh like an idiot in school; still play around with my friends, so I guess being practical is ok ba.
Nope, i'm not advocating pessimism, i'm not asking everyone to become miserable ba. Yes. I admit this practicality is somehow miserable on its own. Its different with optimism where you lie totell yourself everything is nice and sorts; being pessimistic means you see things simply too clearly, so clearly that you just wish you didn't know that dark side to things at all.
Ignorance is bliss, they say.
Optimism is the ability to lie to yourself, I'm just a tad bit too honest to do that. Hahaz.
Lala
If laughter is the best medicine, then i think sleeping is second la.
Feels so much better after getting my nap.
Somehow, i feel it.
Ouch
I walked down and out of the bus to realise none of them realised my absence and had gone on without me.
One word to describe that: Ouch.
So lost whatever mood I had for the movie..
Maybe its the loss of sleep that's making me so over-sensitive.
Looking on the brighter side of things, at least that nice aunt of mine bought me FF7:Advent Children dvd.
I'll just go cry myself to sleep and wake up forgetting everything.
夜里的感慨
孤单的夜里，显得有些寂静。寂静里，又感到些许的彷徨。
原来，夜晚是我的弱点。是我最脆弱无助的时间。
过往的记忆涌上心头，时间似乎回到了两年前，那个无力而绝望的自己又恢复了。
难道，我依然还没释怀吗？不是说时间已让我麻木，看开了吗？麻木，到底是种忘记，还是一种逃避？若真是一种逃避，那我这两年多来都在逃避？
不可能。我早在两年前对这段回忆划上了句号。她的突然离去我是没办法阻止，是在我控制范围外的。她不是我害死，因为我连她变得怎样都不知道。
可是。。。为何现在会开始自责。从新回想这那些荒谬的念头。一切的一切，刹那间都变成了我行动的后果；一切的一切，都变成了我的错。
我不想再去想两年前那段痛苦的路程。我不想离开现状，因为我不想再承受那些令我喘不过气的压力，从新尝试将自己从深渊爬起。
心中的问题有了答案。
原来我一直认为自己坚强得不管任何伤心的事都能应付是错的。
原来我不想，是因为我清楚的知道，多一次的打击，会让我彻底地瓦解崩溃，甚至消失。
原来，夜晚是我自觉的时间。
If...
you had a choice, would you rather die before your loved ones do or them before you? I’m cursing them or whatever, but death is something we have to face sooner or later and a matter of how.
If you were to die earlier than they do, they would feel pain, hurt, and sadness. Not something you want them to go through. But if they die earlier than you do, you would be the one to feel pain, hurt and sadness.
I think the common answer would be to die later, ‘coz most would say they ‘don’t want their loved ones to feel that way’.
I wonder they ever considered that if they were to have it that way, wouldn’t their loved ones see their despair and would feel miserable for them even as their souls leave their body.
Wow. Terrible decision, I say.
