I'm emo. Ignore me.
I think it's due to the fact that I've been watching Transformers since young that made the movie felt so good.
But I believe it's strictly a guy's show; girls wouldn't appreciate the show because I seriously don't think anyone of them watched it when they were young, and the show is in itself, just action action action. A very guy's-show.
It's getting tougher nowadays cuz I'm starting to feel sian when the weekends are ending, which is a sign that I'm unhappy. I'm not going to try to talk and prove to everyone that my vocation is the worst and under-paid because everyone believes that their own vocation is the most jia-lat, I'll only be wasting my time.
Sometimes I just wish that I have a nice shoulder to lead on.
WHY CAN'T I JUST LEAD ON MY OWN SHOULDER DAMMIT.
Back.
The amount and variety of oil I come across and the amount of sweat is making my coveralls the most legendary smelling thing I've ever worn. Everywhere I go I leave a trail of destruction; the birds dies, the trees rot, the grass rots and the flowers wither whenever I pass them.
Now you know why Sungei Gedong has so many sandy patches.
I was told that I get to go Taiwan, but it's only 3 weeks and I need to go outfield training. But the very idea of going to 2 different countries within a year just makes my mood a tad bit better. I can't wait to fly. Bring me to Brunei!
===================================
I'm handling my emotions much better than I thought. I guess the scorching sun these past few days helped.
But I know that my faith in relationships would be hard to restore. Can't help it for someone who used to believe that love is for the lucky/good-looking/kind-hearted(of those I do not belong to any), then by some chance, thought I had the chance to be wrong, but in the end, everything was but an illusion.
I can change(and perhaps, already changed) my other pessimistic perceptions of life but this time round, even I can't help myself.
When you see me, smile at me so I can smile back. Don't ask me what happened even if you truly care. The best way to help me is really just leave me as I am.
...
I feel like saying so much, but at this point, it no longer matters.
Have you ever tried to change yourself in a major way in pursue of a goal, and at the end, the goal disappeared, then you realise it was because of you not being able to change in time, hence letting the chance slip by?
I just feel like crying and screaming. But, I can't seem to find the strength to do that. So much was needed to be said but i didn't. So much I had done but not a word I had breathed.
I changed for the better because I needed to prove to myself and make myself worthy of my goal, make myself a better man. But I missed out on the factor that matters the most; the goal itself. The time i took to adjust was the time the goal took to move on. And now, I feel so lost.
So empty.
So devoid of emotions.
So much i had done and in the end, nothing happened. Didn't everyone said and proved that by being a better person, someone will gain something? Yet, I lost. All the effort, all the time spent on making myself look like a happier person.
All that I have done didn't matter anymore, because I was such a fool to think that nothing else will happen and I'll have ample time to show that I have improved.
Somehow, I felt it coming. But I was in denial. But it hit me anyway.
I dunno what else to say cuz my mind is blanking out. I hope the overseas posting can come earlier.
Dental
How I wished that I'll never ever know for my entire damned life.
I've been to the dentist's several times and till now, I'm more or less used to hearing the wows, woahs and u-considering-braces? responses whenever I open my mouth for them to see.
I'm not surprised that my teeth are all so crowded and in such a bad state because all the words that come out of my mouth ain't that good in the first place, indicating that the source itself would be very cocked-up. Although these remarks used to deflate my not-big-but-still-existent ego, I've come to learn the most basic skill that humans were born with: listen only to things that I wanna hear, making myself feel good.
Hence I'll just tell myself that these dentists are marveling at my magnificent jaw.
Talk cock.
Anyway, today at the dentist, something else happened. Before the X-Ray, it was the usual 3 responses from the dentist; after the X-Ray, both the dentist and I were unanimous in our response: WAH
Note that because I can only communicate to you through words, the only way I can portray the size of the response is simply, size of the word itself.
You may ask, how bad can it be? I don't have the X-Ray, but I can give you a rough idea, get ready to scold wtf...
TA-DAA!
According to the dentist, the two teeth('the two teeths' sounds more correct to me, I don't know why, though it's grammatically wrong) are additional teeth, and my mouth isn't big enough like Julia Roberts' to accommodate these 2 jokers.
The suggestion: if I were to be considering braces, then the 2 ambushers must go, otherwise they can stay there till I die and a few thousand years later future archaeologists will dig up my skull and marvel at my ancient-but-magnificent jaw and put it in a museum for chio-bu to see.
The verdict: Plus the 2 seng-eh molars at the back,
Right side is my wisdom tooth, which is actually as upright as Superman is.
, the 2 joking ambushers will all be extracted on the 17th of July.
I'll be put to sleepgiven anesthesia(GOD THIS IS DIFFICULT TO SPELL) for the surgery, thankfully, which lasts about an hour.
I think I can foresee meetings by jealous enemies prior to the 17th to devise plans to eradicate me while I'm knocked out.
Wa lao. I just have a legendary jaw nia, need to kill me meh?
PS: I sound delusional, don't I? Look what Gedong does to you with all that dust.
我们到底几时吃汤圆？
Just came back from the 2/4 chalet, damn shagged.
At first look, the turnout feels dismal, but then again, even if there was full strength it really would've just been the 8 of us. The chalet didn't feel anything like a failure, even though we ended up with 4 people in the end due to the other few guys having their own priorities and attachments, because I being with that bunch of guys just clears my mind of the flipping army and allowed me to enjoy the weekend.
Btw, I'm being re-posted from 13FMD(Forward Maintenance Depot) to 12 FMD; essentially the same camp just different company.
And I believe 12FMD is going to have the peak period of repairing/maintaining tanks?
Xuete. That means OT.
EOC
If the speed of how time passed in BMTC for me is likened to me running from a cockroach(pretty fast), then the feeling of how fast time passed in OETI would be like me running to catch up with Hebe(freaking fast).
At the start of the month I thought to myself, '20th June still quite some time away la', then poof! there it is, my certificate of passing out from OETI handed out to me already.
The morning we simply spent it wrapping things up; cleaning the work areas, accounting for admin stuff. Had a nice brunch sponsored by our instructors before going on to the official passing-out ceremony.
I did the End-of-Course Presentation on behalf of the class(a nice way to say, 'bo bian need to do cuz no one else doing'), and after that my PC handed me this sleek-looking envelop
On govt service leh. Sat sat.
in it, containing this: my certificate.
After taking one last look at the classroom I've been in for the 3 months and doing a stupid thing with my friend, I left OETI for good, bringing along this souvenir,
my name-tag!
plus a key-chain given to us by our instructor, Staff Stella.
Just one problem,
the keychain's kinda big.
Rndaom
This is kinda random but...Your Porn Star Name Is... 
Hugh Grant plus Courteney Cox?
HAHAHAHAZ. The 谐音 is damn farnie can?
Whai~
I believe I have just found the perfect reason to why the S'pore-M'sia drama serial on channel 8, The Beginning(which concluded today), is shot entirely based on M'sia.
In fact, it's kinda simple! The script of The Beginning requires the male lead to kill and kidnap, all the while remaining at large and even at times, unnoticed! Who else but the M'sia police would be able to provide a convincing image to viewers that the male lead can do all that without being noticed?
If the setting had been in S'pore, the show wouldn't be able to go on past episode 10 before the police traces to the male lead. No fun right? Hence M'sia is the perfect backdrop* for the story.
Btw, I feel that wishing upon a shooting star is dumb beyond description. I mean, why make a wish on something that is falling? Quite obviously, your wish will end up the same way the shooting star did: burnt up or fallen back on earth.
So here's a Golden advice from Uncle Tan to all you silly people who still believe in wishes: if you wanna make a wish on something, wish on something that goes up.
Er, I think Changi Airport isn't a bad place to start.
*Help me out here, is it backdrop or back-drop?
Again
Just one of those nights where I let loose all the pessimism and start feeling sad about myself, my life.
Just a for tonight. Just tonight. And then I move on. It's not easy to be living like this, but it's the perfect way for me to move on and not to wallowing in self-pity at the same spot all the time.
I may not like the way life goes, but at least I'm liking the way I make my life go on.
Muzic Vdeo
Nevermind the scary eye-shadow, I absolutely love the part-And the clothes that you left that lie on the floor/and they smell just like you.
Been listening to english songs lately, anyone has good emo rock songs to recommend? My library of songs is seriously deficient.
My final test onthe SM1 turret system comes tomorrow! Wish me luck.
Despo
I freaking searched the Web extensively for the freaking meaning of buenos dias, freaking thinking that it's a freaking cool name, and it freaking turned out to be freaking Good Morning in freaking Spanish!
Talk about never judging a book by its cover; never judge a word/phrase by its appearance man.
This is so damn unfair.
How come Wei Liang can see a chio bu who looks like Hebe when he already has a chio bu girlfriend? Such chances should really be left to despots like me. At most I'll just jump on the chio bu what.
No, I'm just joking, I wouldn't jump on her lah.
Or will I?
Zommmbie
I became a zombie for today after playing overnight lan with a few of my coursemates at Orchard, since today we had the morning off.
Bad choice. I was so groggy that I forgot my name for a while. Afternoon we were brought to Ammunition base to experience but I think it was more of a waste of time(not to mention that I was physically there but mentally asleep).
Enough 'bout the mundane stuff, I just recently managed to prioritise my urges to learn new things! So many stuff that I want to learn but so little $$ and the prospect of me going overseas is quite an obstacle. But nevertheless, better to plan ahead since I think I no longer have much of a chance to go overseas anyway.
My aim: learn the top 3 skills on my list-of-things-to-learn by the end of NS. I don't think that would be possible, but then again, with my past records, there's still a chance of that happening so I'm pretty hopeful.
I kinda boring nowadays hur. What a bore.
PS: I didn't say what was I planning to learn just in case I really failed to accomplish it. It wouldn't be as diu1 lian3 if no one knows what I was planning.
Grace Kelly
I feel like swinging a fluorescent light while jumping on the sofa and singing, "I could be brown/I could be blue/I could be violet sky/I could be hurtful/I could be purple/I could be anything you like!"
That is so random that I'm freaking myself out.
Just whining
Today, we received instructions from higher authorities that in reaction to the rising cases of dengue fever, all trainees will book in to camp ｉｎ ＬＯＮＧ FOUR．
For those who have no idea what that means, it means we wear our uniform without folding the sleeves. I wanted to complain that it'll be hot, but that would make me look like a bloody sissy.
BUT WEARING OUR COVERALLS* WITH LONG SLEEVES? Do those freaking people up there who sit in air-conditioned office whole day know that it will burn if we wear long sleeve inside of a tank? In the first place, getting us wearing long sleeves to deter dengue mosquitoes doesn't sound very smart at all.
What happened to the good old days where they spray all those bad-smelling chemicals to kill mosquitoes' larvae?
*Coveralls are the working attire of technicians.
M-Mati
S'poreans are really downright barbaric when they're alighting from MRTs. I don't know why but somehow when in a MRT station they forget all etiquettes and manners they may have been taught(or maybe they never learnt it in the 1st place).
Once the train doors open, those going in would hammer their way inside, as if the next train is only coming in 7 years' time. As for those going out, even better - everyone rushes for the escalator/stairs; they do not care if you're female, male, injured, handicapped, retarded, pregnant or having cancer, they simply push and shove you as if their motto is 'At least one person must roll down the stairs due to my unruly behaviour before I reach the bottom'.
In fact, I must point out that it's not the Bangladesh workers but the middle-age white-collar workers and local aunties rushing off to watch the korean-dramas-which-seemingly-only-has-content-based-on-a-fixed-template.
Makes you think twice about the reason why there are people falling off MRT platforms eh.
Suan
It's really a thin line between suan-ing someone with the intention of being funny and the consequence being successfully being funny. Yet so many times I meet people who react to my suan-ing by making insensitive remarks; purely personal attacks filled with malice and no sight of goodwill at all.
I'm not sure if it's because my own suan-ing is really malicious in the first place, if it isn't, did the person's reaction come because he too, is trying to be humourous but apparently, not very good hence making the reply seemed mean; or did he really mean it?
Complicated eh. In fact, this makes me come to think if I've done the same thing. I really don't know how far I'm going and this bothers me. I don't like being unclear about my actions, especially being unclear about the possible consequences of my actions. Much self-reflection to be done here.
And then there are the ones who really are just insensitive, most likely due to the environment they grew up in. In the past I was really intolerant about such people, but I guess I've more or less come to be more forgiving towards these people. I know that because I'm not holding any grudge towards the few insensitive people I've met lately. But still, I'm taking quite a bit of effort to try and suppress my anger when such people antagonize me(without themselves knowing it usually)
Except for those who are insensitive, bad-tempered and takes their anger out on innocent people.
Ahem.
Random thoughts
Something interesting happened just now.
My mom was looking through the magazine when she came upon a photo of 黄义达. Then she started saying how much does he resembles a female, then she said, "Hmm, his mother must be wanting a daughter when she's having him, that's why he now looks so feminine".
And then a thought struck me, and I asked myself, "Then what type of thing exactly were you thinking of when you were having me ar?". Then I started laughing at that. Quite funny sia.
Then I felt sad.
You know you've reached the highest level of having low self-esteem when you start laughing at your own digs at yourself. Kinda sad actually, isn't it?
Oh wells. It's a form of optimism isn't it?
Uh-oh
I just sent a picture of myself to Ang Lee to try if I can land myself a role as the Hulk in whatever sequel he may be having for The Hulk.
Because I am so green with envy after reading seeing Sin Kuan, Xiu Ming and Mei Hong's blogs about their trip to Taiwan.
I was just randomly wondering while rotting away during my sentry duty this morning, why is the period of time that someone is holding the position of a Pope called papacy(pronounced as paper-cy). I mean, shouldn't it be like popecy instead, where at one look you'll know it has something to do with the Pope? You look at papacy and you'll think it's something to do with your father or something.
Or maybe because the Pope has always been something of a father-figure, so they decided it'll be more friendly with the word papa inside whatever name they're giving.
I'm so full of crap.
By the way, am I the only one to keep receiving emails from NUS? I just checked my mailbox and freaking QUEK, Ser Aik sent me 3 emails already. Hello? I thought I confirmed with NTU i going there le, why is NUS still trying to seduce me???
SHIT. Did I click the wrong thing?
No more!
“委屈自己来配合他人。但是你，过得还蛮愉快。”
是吗？
This morning we had Wing cohesion at East Coast Park where teams compete against one another in 10 various games. Winning was not the aim but bonding was the main focus.
Ok fine, I said that cuz i'm like second last.
Everyone gathered together at 8.30 and the games quickly began.
Our staff sergeant even brought along his cute dog along to join in the fun!
Looks like a maltese but like different breed lehz.
The main reason why this is fun is really not the games; it's the throwing of people into the water(and you're either the one watching or throwing, not thrown). First to go was, surprising, our sergeant major and some other guy who's going to ORD(free from the routine of NS!).
Then we the turret guys hatched a plot to throw our OWN instructor into the water. First it started off with me trying to take an innocent group photo,
then things quickly roll to a quick start.
Muahahahahaz.
Being really sporty, he didn't try to break for a run(probably because he knows it'll be fruitless)
Crist molesting him from behind.
but even took his shirt and things out and gladly let us have our fun with him.
Into the riversea!
I'm still not good with pictures so it's kinda boring, lol.
=======================================
At night, met up with the good old friends after wearing myself out by standing for 5 hours to get a stupid cardboard. The girls passed me the present they brought all the way from Taiwan:
a picture of an autographed S.H.E lyrics book from some display shelf sent over to me by infrared.
Not exactly an expensive present but I really am honoured that they at least still remember my lowly existence here in S'pore with all those mind-filling shopping sprees and feasting extravaganza.
I WANNA GO TAIWAN LAH~
By the way, Adam Kwa, the great fortune teller of all times, were there once again, helping us to 'foresee' the future~ I've always been a skeptic and in some ways, prefer the future to be hidden so it's more fun, but I needed advice so I ask about my studies(never hurts to try).
One sentence was all it took to dismiss all my skepticism. And I have to admit that the advice he gave pointed me in a direction which I originally felt would be better but was a bit torn of whether I should continue. The advice gave me the cue I needed to make my move, and here it is!
From now on, NO MORE CLUBBING(Though I haven't done much yet)!
Help!
Wilfred has very powerful writings(i usually take quite some time to fully comprehend his posts) and his post here about Mass comm(he went to the NTU interview with me and was in the same room as me as well) is REALLY swaying me.
Not totally applicable but at least it brings out the struggle in me of "Which to choose?".
I NEED PROFESSIONAL ADVICE!
